Dumb Phone

Two days before Christmas:

JV: What kind of phone is that?
DH: It's an old LG.
JV: Is it a smart phone?
DH: Nope, it's a dumb-a** phone.

One day after Christmas:

DH: It's hard setting up my contacts.
TS: That's because this is your first iPhone. You'll never have to do it again.
DH: Siri, should I beat my wife?
Siri: I'll have to think about that.
TS: I'm going to Best Buy to get you a Zagg shield.
DH: I don't need a shield. Why would I need a shield?
TS: Depends on how many more times you're going to put coleslaw on your phone.
DH: I'm not sure a dumb-a** should be using a smart phone.
TS: Grandpa, don't say that.

Toothless Wonder

A couple of weeks ago, we were shopping at a Christmas store and DH, who is the world's best at finding books and toys for the grands, spotted a little book for The Fred, age 7. It was a Junie B. Jones book called Toothless Wonder.

The Fred, who's somewhat toothless herself these days, read about half the book to me before dinner (seems like I was reading to her just a minute ago), and we both really enjoyed it. The author, Barbara Park, grew up in New Jersey but met her husband at the University of Alabama. If you have a Toothless Wonder, I highly recommend it!

Remembering Pearl Harbor

As a young sailor, my dad was stationed at Pearl Harbor at the time of the attack on 7 December 1941, but family members always said that he wasn't on board ship at the time. Now I know why–maybe.

This week, Ancestry.com offered free searches of military records, and when I looked for my dad, I found records that seemed to confirm that he was assigned to the USS Sicard for the latter part of 1941. My uncle thought he was at the hospital, but I don't know if that's accurate.

Wikipedia says that the ship had entered the Pearl Harbor Navy Yard on 21 November 1941 and was under overhaul there when the Japanese attacked on 7 December. Personnel from the Sicard were dispatched to other ships to assist with returning fire on the attackers.

I guess I'll never have a complete picture of Daddy's involvement in that awful day, but I'm glad to find bits of information, and even the ship commander's report, online.

PC Matic People

DH: I hate this commercial.
TS: Oh, the PC Matic People?
DH: It's just stupid.
TS: It's very annoying. Why did they name him Otto?
DH: He's a nerd and she's kinda snarky.
TS: I do not like these people. Where is she going for Girl's Night Out, anyway?
DH: They're us, basically.
TS: I do not like them. What?
DH: I'm fast-forwarding.
TS: You think I'm snarky? I don't even know what that means.

Hugh Jackman Live

DH: Now, why did you record this Jimmy Fallon show?
TS: Because Hugh Jackman's on it. Let's watch it and then we can delete it.
Jimmy Fallon: You can see Hugh Jackman / Back on Broadway . . .
DH: We'll be there.
TS (reading): What?
DH: We'll be there those dates in December.
TS: WHAT? What theater? Do they have matinees?
DH: I'm sure you can Google it--
TS: OMG! It's a block from our hotel!
DH: Well, now, that won't leave us much time to goof around . . .
TS: Got 'em!! I'm going to see Hugh Jackman Live!!
DH: Hmmph.

Creepy People of Walmart

It's not even Halloween yet, but there was a spooky dude at Walmart today. Sorry I didn't snap a photo, but, honestly, he was really normal-looking. That makes it even more spooky.

As I was headed past the Cracker Aisle, a man with an empty cart rolled up to me and asked, "What color nail polish do you have on your toes? Is it black or blue?" "Oh, I'd say Navy Blue," I responded helpfully. If he'd been a woman, I might have added that it was from a pricey bottle of Catherine H from the "Real Housewives of the Tudor Dynasty" collection, but that was TMI. "Purple?" he queried. "Navy Blue with a little Purple, I'd say." (This is the South. We're very polite.)

At that point, he said, "You are one good-lookin' woman." "Well, thank you, sir," I said with sincerity.

(I say "with sincerity" because, although I was completely surprised and 99% creeped out, there was 1% of gratitude in there, because no complete stranger has talked to me like that in about 30 years. And the last one was probably drunk.)

I decided I didn't need anything else from Walmart today, so I briskly rolled my cart in the opposite direction from which the man was traveling. I checked out in a "less than 20" line strategically located next to a couple of nice ladies in Corrections Department uniforms, thinking that they might be good company today.

The afternoon ended without further incident, but I have to wonder . . . who are the People of Walmart, and where do they come from? Really.

Too Much Chocolate

I took the grands to school today, and there were only two things that went wrong. Well, three if you count my dream that I had a wreck in the school parking lot–but that was just a dream.

First, Little Man (who was really good today) said I put too much chocolate in his breakfast shake (I used exactly one packet). This from the 4-year-old who, by Pappy's account, dragged a stool into the kitchen, got down the chocolate powder and was discovered sitting at the table eating it with the scooper. And I still recall the time he conned me into putting double the requisite number of scoops in his chocolate milk. He's just so darned cute when he's misleading you like that.

Too much chocolate?? How is that even possible? It's a world turned upside down.

And, second, I wasn't sure of the proper first-grade etiquette (do they not want public displays of affection, or does that come later), and I accidentally let The Fred (she is so independent, and so helpful) enter her school sans hugs and kisses.

I'll fix that later.