Dumb Phone

Two days before Christmas:

JV: What kind of phone is that?
DH: It's an old LG.
JV: Is it a smart phone?
DH: Nope, it's a dumb-a** phone.

One day after Christmas:

DH: It's hard setting up my contacts.
TS: That's because this is your first iPhone. You'll never have to do it again.
DH: Siri, should I beat my wife?
Siri: I'll have to think about that.
TS: I'm going to Best Buy to get you a Zagg shield.
DH: I don't need a shield. Why would I need a shield?
TS: Depends on how many more times you're going to put coleslaw on your phone.
DH: I'm not sure a dumb-a** should be using a smart phone.
TS: Grandpa, don't say that.

Checking it Twice

With the holidays well underway, we've been surrounded by scrumptious food for about two weeks now. I'm really glad I take a multivitamin, because I'm not sure you can actually get all your requisite nutrients from cake.

The other night, DH was sad because there was only one present under the Christmas tree, so we went out to remedy the situation. We passed the greater part of the evening finding all sorts of fun gifts for the grandkids.

Christmas shopping is one of those activities that tends to reveal our different personality types. See if you can determine who's predominantly Type C / Cautious and who skews Type-D / Dominant:

TS: (calling DH on cell phone) Hey--where are you?
DH: I'm in the back right corner of the store. I've got a basket full of stuff.
TS: (later) Wow--what is all that stuff?
DH: Well, look--I got two of these, and a couple of those--
TS: I picked out two coloring books. Oh, sweetie, this toy in your basket is for 12 years and up.
DH: Oh, I didn't see that.
TS: And this one's for ages 6 and up.
DH: Close enough. Our grandkids are advanced, anyway, aren't they?
TS: Wonder if anybody else has ever said that.
DH: Hey, look at this. Is this good for The Fred?
TS: OMG, it's perfect!! And it's pink!! But where's the--
DH: Don't even look for it.
TS: But I'm turning the box all around, and I still don't see a--
DH: We're done. Let's go.

Not Quite Eccentric

DH and I love the holidays. When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, we are like giddy children; the longer it’s up, the better. In our early married life, we used to extend our enjoyment of the tree by leaving it up a few weeks past New Year's Day. I think this made people uneasy.

Now, however, we're headed in the opposite direction. Since we take the tree down on New Year's Day, we've started putting it up earlier. A couple of years back, we starting putting the tree up the day after Thanksgiving. This made us very happy!

Last year, we managed to decorate the tree a week before Thanksgiving, because one of DH’s employees was having surgery in late November, and we wanted to include her in the office party--a great reason to put up the tree!

This year, we did even better—DH had so many calendar conflicts in December that we decided to move the office party up to November 15. “Hey, let’s put up the tree!”

At the party I announced, "Next year, we're doing this on Halloween!"

We are afraid to let the neighbors see how early we decorate our tree, because we don’t want to be called “eccentric.” We go to great lengths to try to avoid this label. (For example, we don’t have lots of cats; we only have 2 kitties, and 2 birds--I think if we had one more pet, we’d tip over into “eccentric.”)

Anyway, when we put the tree up in mid-November, we close a door so that the neighbors can’t see it from outside, and we can bask in the glow of colored lights in privacy.

Right now the Christmas tree skirt is moving; it looks like it’s doing “The Wave.” That would be one of the kitties—they love the tree, too.