Dumb Phone

Two days before Christmas:

JV: What kind of phone is that?
DH: It's an old LG.
JV: Is it a smart phone?
DH: Nope, it's a dumb-a** phone.

One day after Christmas:

DH: It's hard setting up my contacts.
TS: That's because this is your first iPhone. You'll never have to do it again.
DH: Siri, should I beat my wife?
Siri: I'll have to think about that.
TS: I'm going to Best Buy to get you a Zagg shield.
DH: I don't need a shield. Why would I need a shield?
TS: Depends on how many more times you're going to put coleslaw on your phone.
DH: I'm not sure a dumb-a** should be using a smart phone.
TS: Grandpa, don't say that.